Seeds of Hate by Melissa Perea

Author:Melissa Perea
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Melissa Perea
Published: 2013-07-14T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 18

The Next Day

(Selah)

There were only two cars in the lot when I arrived. I had this idea that if I got to the brick wall before Izzy and Javier, sitting with me would then be a choice. A choice I wanted them to make.

Last night, I repeated my actions over and over again, convincing myself they would both hate me. I sat against the brick wall, pulled out my books and studied.

The birds chirped in the trees—a harsh melody I found more annoying than peaceful. I tapped my toes together and bit the eraser off the edge of my pencil. If they didn't sit next to me I would be okay. Life would be okay. I still had a roof over my head and a place to sleep at night. Friends were a luxury I had learned to live without. I could adjust again.

I just didn't want to.

When I went to bed last night, there was a new letter waiting for me on my pillow. I hadn't read it and sometimes it took me days or even weeks before I could. For now, it would sit in my pocket, pulling at the threads, and weighing me down.

Students trickled in as the sky warmed with light, and I continued to stare at the same page of my history book. I twisted the earring in my right ear and waited. And waited. And waited.

Nathan arrived, surrounded by his posse and walked past without a single thought or breath wasted on my presence. A girl at the tail end of the group—one of the three from that day in the parking lot—glanced in my direction and then stared at the empty space around me. She trailed me from head to toe and then hurried to catch up to her friends.

I stared back at where she disappeared and wondered how it felt. To have lots of friends. To be pretty. To be accepted. Did it feel good? Would it make me whole? Would I smile more?

"You're doing it again." His words were friendly, full of jest and as light as air. I looked up at Izzy and shook off my distress.

"What?"

"Daydreaming. What was it this time?"

"Nothing important." I wiggled up against the brick and moved my bag so he could sit. My books sat on the other side—a barrier of protection to make me feel less alone.

Izzy handed me a coffee along with a greasy bag. "Fresh!" he said with a smile.

I returned the gesture. "Thank you."

Javier turned the corner just as I took my first bite. He grabbed the other coffee and reached into the bag sitting on my lap. I stopped chewing. My nose twitched as I inhaled his scent. Coffee and soap.

I was staring at his eyes, wondering what they would say today. He grabbed the last sticky bun and sat down without acknowledging me. I finished chewing my bite and then swallowed, sipping on the scalding hot coffee to wash it and his scent down my throat.

The three of us sat there chewing and sipping and watching the campus like we did every morning.

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